thats Strike One

the wife has never had a black eye before.

then the wife rushed at me tonight... i kept my pimp-hand Strong... now the wife has a black eye... the wife wont be doing that again soon...
turns out goofing around+a slippery floor doesnt mix so well!



postscript: foto update coming soon

~Life is Short, Get into it~

Fire Drill Improv...

was gonna hold off on posting this before i left for vacation, just to spite "Clouded Thoughts" but that wouldnt be me...

its raw and raining out, im recovering from the super-cold and i havent been trained in my new role as FSM. of course, the fire alarm goes off... grab my jacket, new hat and new clipboard. i clear the office and direct co-workers to go to the rightside stairwell, down 4 flights, out through the garage and group up in the back parking lot. i make my way down the stairs, get to the bottom and demand that the people huddling under the overhang, vacate the area and find your FSM, they comply. i count the heads in my group and make small talk about how nice the weather is for this kinda thing. my big boss gives me a hard time, says when he was a FSM, he would Always have everyone back inside by now. i say, "right, im just flexing my new authority a little and purposely making you guys stand in the rain." the group laughs. then another FSM comes over and wants to know what floor im on and if i have everyone. "yes i do, 4South" 3 other FSMs come over and ask whats going on, what that guy had said and if id seen an all-clear sign? "not sure whats going on, its my 1st shift and no, i havent seen the signal but 2 fire engines just arrived so it will probably be a few more minutes" i walk around a little, just off to the side, dodging raindrops... suddenly, the lemmings start to follow each other back into the building, so i break out the 2-finger whistle. 200 people freeze and stare at me, my big boss was at the front of the charge and gives me a smirk... i ask them all if they had seen an all-clear? i get no response. "thats because there wasnt 1 yet, everyone relax awhile. i will go see whats going on and wave when its all clear." i get the all-clear wave as im walking to the front of the building and pass it on. the masses start shuffling to the doors and i take a position to hold the doors open for them. after the last of the people walk by, i get a tap on the shoulder. i spin around, my big boss is standing there and he says "good job out there!" thanks and im just glad we didnt lose anybody today...

back in the office now and the alarms arent really going off anymore but they are still making a noise, they have a beat that compels me to try and find some glow-sticks and start danc- oh thank God. the noise stopped, it was next to unbearable and it sounded something like this...

~Life is Short, Get into it~

Happy Thanksgiving!

~A Special Thanks to the Soldiers Overseas, the Ones keeping us safe Abroad! we are looking forward to having all of You Home very soon!! enjoy your Holiday wherever you may be~

so the wife and i are going on vacation tues for thanksgiving in NC
will start posting again later, earlier, if something catches me just right
how about some new followers signing in?
if you enjoy this stuff, tell your friends about it so they can read up+get ready.

okbye

~Life is Short, Get into it~

While the wife is Away4...

this morning was vastly different than the last few...

the super-cold has me
coughing and lots of phlegm.
watched AVP (not this 1 but ha)
had to have lunch delivered
football is on now
really glad i declined the Neighbors offer
the wife arrives at 8:30pm
gonna sit on couch till then
told her not to expect the spotless home she is used to coming home to
feel like death warmed over
wonder if Shower Beer could cure cold?
gonna watch AVP-R later
that is all

~ Life is Short, Get into it~

While the wife is Away3...

i arose today with a smile and a plan.

last night turned out to be pretty tame. (despite the buildup to it… just a few buddies and some drinks) then i started calling 2 of my other buddies to see if they wanted to hangout. i called obnoxiously. after 12:30am. i knew both were still awake and at home.

i relentlessly rang every number i had for tony. both vmails and the answering machine. no answer. (he called me the next morning though and wanted to know if i was in trouble last night… yeah man, i fell on a knife and bled out overnight… but since you called me back this morning, it looks like im gonna be fine. thanks for getting back to me so quick… (mmYWF) i tell him that i just wanted to hangout.

didn’t bug the BroadSlayer so much. just a couple of calls. (although when Sleeves was heading out for the night, he declined to leave me outside the BroadSlayers home like i was requesting... i was gonna wake up the Slayer and make him hangout for awhile) ive heard so much about the BroadSlayers nights-out-on-the-town but have yet to witness this Character in action...

Caveman saw him out 1 night - the Slayer=Smushed...

so today, i rise up, determined: either have the BroadSlayer take me out with him or i was going to end up shadowing his movements. the Neighbor drops by to borrow a card game, i tell him the plan and he asks me, so you aren’t going as the Wingman? i tell him i would but this could turn out to be a covert-op. he invites me out to a bar to watch football tomorrow with his buddies but i decline. not sure what the night holds…

Sleeves comes over for video golf at 3pm…

we go to the BroadSlayers home. when we arrive there, he states “if we can get him so far on the project today, he could have a few beers tonight” its saturday and with not much on the agenda, we stand there for a ½ hour, ready and waiting to give him a hand with his project. we watch him work the numbers and angles. he asks for our thoughts on what he is doing. my 3rd opinion rights him and hes back on track. once his new plan is laid out, Sleeves and i can start working. i keep encouraging the BroadSlayer to start using the saw right away! you know, just to get something started. while he is marking off the rest of his project, i bring up the idea of doing something tonight and thats when he crushes my dream…

got something lined up, he states. i tell him good luck, he asks why im disappointed and says, you just want to get smashed tonight. i say no, i just wanted to hangout with my buddies and have a few drinks. quick laugh all around. the BroadSlayer then asks us rhetorically, “how can I have beers tonight, i have to get this all done. my tenant has given me a deadline.” the BroadSlayer then follows that up with saying he never said he would have beers tonight. Sleeves and i both refute this claim and then we leave right away. on the way out, we laugh at the old dishwasher that had been in his backyard for awhile and then had made its way to the curb for all of last week and the garbage service wouldnt take it… so now, the dishwasher is on a 2wheeler and is once again in his backyard...

got home, watched a couple of movies and fell asleep on the couch.

when i awoke, i just didn’t have the same vigor as earlier in the day. hardly had the energy to pick up dinner. yup. im sick! couldn’t outrun the super-cold even with all the vit. C in the house…

another tame night:
Sleeves comes back over for Bs game+more video golf
took 12hr cold med at 10:45
talked to the wife, she is at yet another bar after dinner but very ready to come home…
12hr cold med is awesome…
watched Pred. 2(busey has compelling performance as keyes)
went to bed

thank God the Slayer had plans!!

~life is short, getting sick sucks~

4 Beers and a Post

i set an ambitious goal.

4 beers on The Deck before my fingers freeze. got some Business accomplished today and now i type, wishing i had a coozy… wait... i think there is 1 in the bucket… nope… nah, it was in there…

some guy just missed leaving the parking lot before the hole in the traffic closed because he noticed me. we made eye contact and i got a thumbs up, i acknowledged him with a nod and a smile. he is on his way and i hope he reads this someday and wonders if that was him?

gambling went better than the time before, so i will play again…

the wife checks in.
i tell her that i got some cold medicine today but had to take a card to the pharmacist and had to sign in for it. pharmacist tells me she has to see my id before she can ring up the rest of my stuff.
the wife then tells me they don’t want you to have cold medication but people can pick up prescriptions without signing anything... worktrip is all limos and bars... ~mmYWF - i think shes just delirious~

dude in purple, aqua and pink jacket... again

i talked to tony, over the phone… (usual banter…) while walking through the competitor for the black friday run… just doing my homework looking at tvs for myself+friends… then he has an idea and i tell him i will testify for him. then I find the DSL what he is looking for also. DSL laughs at the price…

my jacket is amazing!

my fingers are chilly. took refuge in hallway but was out just long enough to see the sun drop. there are a few wispy clouds. and the night closes in… its been cold out lately, as Rambling Minds alluded to. before he stopped writing...

i hear horns and shouting out on the back of the deck.

there was a shouting match between 2 guys. there was gonna be a fight but the loud guy got back in his car and sped away from the old man who was charging the car. the old man was carrying his cane in his hand but wasnt using it to run… cane-carrier had been slow-bobbing in the crosswalk and the loud guy honked at him. the cane guy uses the crosswalk again, cane in hand, while on the phone and he rushes into his building. wish i could have gotten the whole thing on tape…

i ce has broken the candles glass in the last 2 weeks.

its cold. last beer. internets down. musics off.

i need glove liners out here.

beers done. im going in.

postscript: computer froze, had to restart it and reformat everything because Vista sucks. the house is warm and so am i… short stuff is first draft, long stuff has been revised…

5:02 Sleeves needs help
5:05 Ferns called and is gonna chip in and coming to pick me up.
on the road again…

Ferns had rented GoW2. it=FUN

1:30AM- tony called @ 11PM but was on the train and has been ever since, i guess...

~life is short and its cold outside~

Banging into Work ~ from inception to realization

here is the step-by-step setup

3days before the day you want off:
~stay up late the night before so you look extra wornout in morning
~make sure to shave
~start the cough at 2pm
~comment to the boss’s favorite coworker that your throat is getting sore (if you are this coworker, you should have enough goodwill garnered to just take the day off anyway, skip directly to sickday)
~mention something in passing to your superiors about a cold going around

2days before the day you want off:
~don’t shave
~arrive on time, looking a little disheveled
~start group discussion about sickness going around the office
~make sure your superior is involved in said conversation
~commence sneezing at desk or in common areas after lunch
~finish more work than usual to set up crucial next day
~stay to the final minute

1day before the day you want off:
~wear bright colors to appear washed out and pale
~don’t shave again and look extra exhausted
~before lunch, remind same coworker that you dropped the hint on 2days ago
~talk about remedies with other coworkers
~after lunch, finish the rest of the weeks work
~nose blowing should start at 1:45
~keep to yourself for the rest of day and warn all coworkers to keep it moving
~tell the supervisor that your head is in a fog but your workload is complete
~take control of situation with supervisor

• start by stating they should keep their distance because you are sick
• with eyes half-opened, alert them that you will be taking the following day off to not infect the rest of the office
• remind them that the weeks work is complete and wait for approval
• comment that you are going to try and sleep it off
• get permission to alert those that need to know electronically that night

~bang into work via email after midnight so you can sleep-in uninterrupted

sickday:
~well, what you do today is up to you. you worked hard to get to this point and having manufactured a sickday, you should enjoy every moment of it.
~Be Warned - this isn’t something that can be done too often because your employer will want you to go see a dr and this will blow your whole operation.
~Disclaimer - if you leave the house to take advantage of your day off, dont go near your office. its your own fault if you get fired for being in a 5mile radius of your office. they will always catch you and I will do nothing but laugh at you for it.

i write this having completed all the necessary tasks and awaiting the end of the day.

postscript: make sure to knock off an hour early, to drive the point home!

~Life is Short, Get into it~

the brisket Journal

there may be lots of things you might not understand/care about that i wrote down. this was hand-written on a stenobook, so that i could have a map of how to repeat it, if it was good or change something, if it wasnt. what a great day!

~not everything was written by me after 10pm... this is the Journal from 1st brisket on Labor day 2008~

1am – drain and rub, get fire started and soak wood

1:45 – add wood

2am – brisket@230 degrees

3:30 – add charcoal 230 degrees

4-5am – fell asleep, temp 145-150, fire is smothered (IDIOT) problem: closed vents most of the way

5:30 – new coal, temp 240 half vents

5:45 – shut-up birds + guy @ Dunkies + busses

6am – back on track, temp 230, vents ¼, laid back down, sleep

7:30 – start more charcoal, temp 210, vents wide open. Moved bed to shade

8am – with vents open temp 230 no need for charcoal, let burn for a while and drop embers in
How about a bagle and some good tunes? Deal
Let line die down a bit, Might As Well.
the Neighbor comes out to eat breakfast

8:30 – no need for embers, temp 245, vents closed

9am – temp 230, vents wide open, shook up embers, before they Fade Away.
The Dunkies line is HUGE!!

10am – still cranking, temp 230,
Broke my new temp gauge, sorry Wife! I love you + thanks but it’s gotta go back.
HA! Look at all you people struggling to get to work on time, hustling to go somewhere.

10:07 – saw a truck that would beat up DSL’s! Even the box looked tougher...

10:13 – Sleeves checking in, temp 235
chick in orange dunkies shirt nearly got splattered by large town truck

11am – still fired up, temp 220, vents wide open(it looks Amazing)
made bad mother-in-law joke
internal temp target is 185deg. to store in cooler

12pm – new coal started, temp 240, wrapped it in foil 179deg.
the wife has been kicking my ass in beer pong 2x then I swept her 3 in a row
new gadget works again and beeps. Alot!

12:30 – Sleeves arrives, temp 220, vents wide open,
the wife is cleaning

1pm – temp 240, half vents

1:30 – 186deg. placed in cooler, up to 188deg. then cooler idea fails, drops down 178deg.

1:45 – new coals and back into the Smoker
Tony was here for 20 minutes and apologized for not hanging out

2:15 – made up a story about the IceMan punching a cop & driving the cruiser into the Res.
vents wide open

3pm – IceMan cometh, temp 230, 184deg. about to close vents all the way

4:30 – vents wide open, temp 180, 188deg new coal about to go in
Srgt Boneface’s here, what a tan!!

5pm – Salon Worker and the Neighbors are here, temp 230 179deg. up from 176deg.
Beth’s chasing a dragon(harrowing day)

5:30 – DSL spins his tires and snubs us again. Temp 200, 178deg. light more coal only ¼ can

6pm – add new coal, temp 230, 177deg.
bunch of birds, called Whittle, no answer

6:01 – “Finnie loves to Smoke Meat” Srgt Boneface

6:05 – the Neighbor stares down a work truck with his dog, temp 250, 178deg.
new gadget “Its nearly done…Again”
Beened whupped in pong. All night.

6:20 – sauce ready, 188deg. vents wide open
Rag on Shepmobile
Add wood for Smoke effect on the Deck
Brisket resting

7pm – no dice on smoke effect
Srgt Boneface is doing lines of gunpowder off a superior officers desk.

7:20 – ETA on Beth 10-15 minutes, foods on though and Smoke at full Capacity

7:30 – Heidi, Heather+Steve, Scottie the Body+3dudes arrive

8:15 – Beth here, this the first time i have looked up from my plate, the food is awesome!!

8:30 – Salon Worker is back+her teacher friend shows up

9:30 – DSL & his huge Toe arrive, clear table and start pong again, Sleeves and i run the table 3x and make 5 out of 6 to close out the last game

9:45 – burnt ends into smoker+beat everyone in pong

10-11:25 – start flip cup tourney, Timmy shows up in a cab, Caveman vouches for him, turns out it was drunktimmy who grabs the wife in front of me, she jumps, i ask drunktimmy not grab her before I can, i kick a chair over in jest, we are losing a lot, then we are winning a lot, thanks drunktimmy…

11:25 – game of flip cup going on, these guys are retarded.
Brackett Brilliance wins 6-7 in a row
tough gut Shep?

11:34 – cops came, for the 1st time ever

11:45 – the wife kicked the cops out, they wanted to come over earlier
DSL+huge Toe leave, no end in sight(poor prick)

12:12 – a guest said “Finnie made the Best BBQ ever”

12:15 – “Finnie, you are the most ridiculous thing” a great friend

12:22 – “did you just breathe in some Finnie?” Shep

12:27 – Parties over, i said something stupid latenight(shocker)
a great friend+Srgt Boneface offended
Srgt Boneface throws a bottle across the street
Shep takes Srgt Boneface with him

~at 12:34 - i wrote an apology to the great friend but struck it from the record at 2pm the following day because i received a call from my great friend and she apologized “you actually made me laugh” and Srgt Boneface called me to hang out about 10 minutes later. all was forgiven and forgotten about (till now i guess)~

And that was the 1st brisket, there has been 1 other and there Will be many more…

~Life is Short, Get into it~

While the wife is Away2...

i hope the wife is feeling better!

just catching the B's game with 10min left in the 2nd and so far, they have scored 4. just finishing up the brisket Journal and im going to post that after i get done here... sorry to those looking for quick ones all the time! mmYWF

when i got home from work, the night started with Sleeves and a mission: go scope out new tvs for black friday, get dinner, get Jim Beam... didnt pull the trigger on a couple of good deals and i nearly got the associate to hook Sleeves up with VIP passes for black friday sale: he mentioned something about a stack of VIP passes in the back, so i ask "how do we get those VIP Passes" he says "i cant hook you up right now" so i ask "when, then?" he waivered but didnt crack. i almost had them in the door without pulling the allnighter. (cant wait to hear about that.) Sleeves gets some good intel on store layout.

another odd Twist... we had passed a liquor store that was closed on the way up to the tv store and didnt pass another on the way home... so when Sleeves dropped me off, i got in the truck and went to the store. i got the whiskey and then on the way home, i realize i dont have any limes in the house or any dinner, so i stop at the neighborhood deli. long line, as usual, so i wander around for awhile. when i head back to the counter, i see my cousin waiting in line. he has just left from the gym and upon seeing my jacket, he tells me he doesnt wear a jacket yet, so that it wont be winter out yet! i tell him its cold outside and then i tell him about my plan of action for the night. he tells me about a website to check out for deals on tvs and declines coming over as he has 9am meetings(the truth is he doesnt like whiskey, its not for everybody) i thank him for the tip and i will pass it on. we part ways, he's off to eat creatine+hangout with an old girlfriend and i head for home with dinner and limes secured...

B's win 7-4, what a game i saw! what a game i missed!

after dinner, i filled the decanter and then the flask and made myself a second good drink in My mug. (not the bubba mug that i got for christmas though. thanks ma!) having finally finished the following brisket Journal, i cranked this post out and all the while, i listened this... and i readied myself for the next day.

~life is short, you should get into it~

While the wife is Away...

the build up: tuesday night, the wife has a cold and im watching the C's. i have banished her upstairs so i dont get sick. (i hate getting sick, but i love taking sick days) the house has crumpled up tissues and clorox wipes all over it. tomorrow she leaves for chicago and wont be back till sunday.

preliminary plan: toilet seats up in all bathrooms, quick disinfect of house, whiskey, gambling(hopefully better than last outing), bang in friday, lots of movies, sleep in and avoid the super-cold the wife picked up from work... and took with her on the plane. good luck to anyone flying weds morning!

day 1: here we go. this is going to be an all-out assault. from my brain to your eyes. good luck to those that encounter me during this stretch...

the fun starts early, on the way home from the 4:30am dropoff+still half-asleep... the wifes car is almost out of gas so i coast to a stop at the light near the police station in my town. then in the rearview, i see another car come to a stop in the right turn lane. he is on my flank ever so slightly and i dont think anything of it. the light changes and i start driving, this guy spins his tires and cuts me off. (what is it about me+bad drivers like scratchy was asking?) i gun the engine to maintain my hold on the lane but his v8 explorer has more balls than the wifes new whip. he gets by me, i lean on the horn and the chase is on. he is all over the road while accelerating away from me, i maintain my lane integrity and keep pace with him for a mile. then we come to a stupid part of my towns' traffic signal setup, they have reconstructed a couple islands and dropped in 2 stoplights where 1 was sufficient. the 1st is red as we approach, so i back off. he blows through this light and comes to a stop at the 2nd. i am still on the horn at this point and now switch on the brights. the road is an incline and rises in front of me which allows my highbeams to pour into his vehicle. the lights change simultaneously, the pursuit continues and our speed quickly returns to the previous level. this continues for the next mile until i reach my turnoff. i give it some more gas to make him think i am closing in on him so he will drive faster. i am hoping he will lose control and there will be a movie-style car crash right in front of me. no such luck. i am quite disappointed as i make my turn, because at this point, i am wide-awake and i would have had 2.5 more hours that i couldve followed this jerk around, as far as he was going, all at ridiculous speeds but the cars range gauge is blinking 0's and i have to call off the chase. oh well, its still early enough to get 2 more hours of sleep and i have a long week ahead of me...

his tags read 63A Z73

~Life is Short, Get into it~

the Inconsiderate in expensive cars

drove to work today and was almost involved in 2 accidents on the 6 mile trip there...

1: a volvo wagon: slams on brakes and takes a left turn. no warning. thanks.

2: a diesel bmw sedan: i was following this guy for a mile or more, he frequently made erratic turns. towards the end, he starts drifting across both lanes and finally back into the right lane. i signal and change lanes to pass+get away from the guy. as i am going by him, he veers into my freshly-changed lane, i lay on the horn and he doesnt acknowledge it. im just guessing that he wanted to take the next left and in order to do so, he was trying to cut us off. all this without turn signals.

why do people pay for such expensive cars that dont have turn signals? if a car you were considering didnt have the standard equipment such as seatbelts, a steering wheel or a horn, you wouldnt buy it, right? (i would haggle for some fuzzy dice, at least) its nearly criminal that car dealerships get away with selling vehicles in such unsafe states, considering all the danger they are subjecting the public to and all at such a steep price. isnt part of the yearly state inspection process to check for signal indicators? how are these vehicles still on the road? years ago, when i bought my truck, i didnt get a good deal But it did come with turn signals. some people probably just didnt check before they left the dealers lot with an incomplete vehicle…

but even worse, are the Inconsiderate. these are the ones who have turn signals and dont use them. i understand that sometimes you have too much going on (reading paper+applying makeup+lap dog+any other distraction included) to use your turn signals but if these are some of your excuses, please pull over, get out of your car and walk directly into traffic... if you cant use the turn signal, use the hand signals then. the Inconsiderate aren’t even using hand signals. we all learned hand signals when we took our driving tests, they have a purpose and they arent complicated :

from now on please join me in honking vigorously at these people whenever you see this occur! (the Inconsiderate can also be spotted bombing through stop signs and traffic lights) maybe they will get the hint that they arent the only people on the road, then go back to the dealer and demand the equipment that they have already over-paid so much for.

if the Inconsiderate should question you about your excessive horn use, disappointedly shake your head at them and reply: its just a shame... you paid so much for that car and they didnt give you turn signals. you poor prick!

~Life is Short, Get into it~

interpreting Txt can b confusing

so i just got text-messaging on my phone. i know, welcome to this century... thanks!

anyway, my first cellphone had texting but it was one of those brick phones and i would keep it in my back pocket, it would become unlocked and text the 1st person in the contact list. repeatedly. with nothing in the message. this was a daily occurence, i tried shuffling my contact list and short of keeping my phone in a different place, i cancelled the service. 4 years later, i am realizing that i am out of the texting loop and text interpretation isnt nearly as simple as i thought it was... case in point: i went to pick my buddy up at his house to go play cards. i was dropping off some dvds that i had borrowed, so i went inside rather than honking the horn, said hello to the dogs and talked to his wife for a bit. (shes also a buddy and 1 im not worried about offending) my buddy and i get in the truck, head down the road and then i have the following text exchange with my buddy's wife...

i receive: wah! (making fun term for when someone is whining)
i reply: get f-ed (a rude retort) figured that was the end of it and then,

i received: what time you coming over?

i found this text very strange, especially since i just seen her and was driving away from their house with my buddy. maybe she had sent this before i got to their house and there was a delay from the server or something...

so i replied: huh?

turns out it was just a perfect setup for lots of different jokes and i was oblivious. i have never been good at picking up on hints, need to have some things laid out in blunt detail and now its even worse... i am Way behind the times and have yet to figure out the sarcasm that the text message holds. i was still waiting on a clarifying text for the next 5 minutes until my buddy pointed out what was going on...

cant believe i let this 1 get by me.

~Life is Short, Get into it~

the great Bagel Swindle

earlier this week, i didnt get fooled by a scam that the local coffee chain setup...

i am a creature of habit, i like efficiency, and i dont drink coffee (1 exception to this point). i carry as many bags and suitcases or whatever else i can lug in 1 trip, to empty or load the car in the fewest amount of trips possible. at the start of each week, i bring the items to make my lunch into work instead of preparing it nightly, so i can use those 5 minutes a night to do Anything else. every morning, i hit the snooze 2-3 times. i do this because i like sleeping and the 9 minute snooze is a great thing. i treat these things (and lots of others) as games and i try to do better everytime i play.

following this same line, i go to the coffee chain to get a regular bagel+regular creamcheese, dont toast and dont cut. the routine is get 5 on a monday morning, a weeks worth of breakfast, all obtained in 1 trip. thats all, no coffee, no doughnut and no soda. the only variation on this order, ever, is the quantity. short week, short order. this week, the coffee chain is offering a bagel+creamcheese for .99 with purchase of medium coffee. at first glance, this sounds like a great deal since each bagel+creamcheese is usually 2.09(inc. tax) but then i see that the medium coffee alone is 1.99.

after brief contemplation and some quick math while standing in line, i order the usual... the clerk alerts me to this 'opportunity' by pointing to a sign. i refuse and the clerk stares at me blankly, wondering why i didnt fall into line like the rest of the sheep. she immediately goes into her second attempt, she encourages me to take advantage of this 'deal'. i continue to resist and state " it makes no sense for me, thanks though" the clerk has no idea what to think, shakes her head and takes my $20. but before she makes change, she declares that i will save money by taking this offer, and then asks me "you Do like money, right?" i reply simply, "of course i do and thats why im not participating in this ripoff." she is floored, i get my change and stand off to the side. the clerk gives me the Evil Eye for the next 2 minutes. finally, my order comes up, she calls it out and im on my way to work. just a little bit richer...

for the math-challenged: 10.45tot.<14.90+tax

~Life is Short, Get into it~

What is that 4th baldwins name?

do you know this guys' name?

i finally do, now(thanks to the wife) and now its your turn to wonder... for about the next 30 seconds

i am listening to Stern this morning and he has the bible-thumping Baldwin on... at dinner 2 nights ago, our conversation turned to the 4th baldwin, who is(allegedly) a huge addict. but nobody knew his name... last night, after attending a birthday dinner for a great friend, i return home, the wife has some work to do and i start watching Lil' Bush. it was the episode where they have to find lil Cheney in afghanistan... at 1 point, the gang is searching around and they start talking baldwins. unfortunately, they got the 3 i knew already, alec, billy, steven and it seemed like the tv show was teasing me because before the 4th baldwin was revealed, something happened, the shows' scene changes and my moment of enlightenment was gone...

i havent been this frustrated in a long time but it turns out, its this guy. Daniel Baldwin. here is the headline i was trying to recall.

~Life is Short, Get into it~

if and when i have to repay a Promise

when i convinced the wife to stay here with me (before she became the wife and before we knew about the Deck) i told her to trust me, if we remain in Arlington/the area, we would have a lot of fun, great experiences and that our next move would be for her. the good news, we enjoy our lives here. the bad news, shes from iowa...

if we ever have to leave this area, i hope this is where we are bound for.










if you cant read the tagline, it states:

"Where hills and prairie meet"

finding this postcard the other day could possibly work out for me. because i live at the foot of a hill, in an Arlington already and maybe i can convince the wife that we have been in iowa all along? hmmm... Yeah White!! (the wife and others laughing about me making yeah white face while writing this).

if you go to their webpage, you will find their history and it reads like something i wrote... you will also find that they are a small community where the preacher is also one of the EMT's, which could save you both alot of time if you happen to see him under the wrong conditions...

plus all my Arlington paraphernalia will still be valid and i could open an AHOP! (B)

~Life is Short, Get into it~

Skipping out on Cab Fare

this is a pre-Deck story.

went to a sox game a few years ago and after the game, the vendor (who sponsored the outing) uses his corporate card to unlock Finnie's Wilde Ride...

we left the pool hall we were at and went to a bar that was horrible. my coworker and i are trying to wrap up the night asap since we have to be at work at 8am, the vendor wont let the night end on a downbeat. so we go looking for a bar that does exist but because our cabby doesnt speak much English, we end up circling in the same neighborhood for an hour. this gets old real quick, we give him very specific instructions to get on the highway and take us to our final destination 45 minutes away. the vendor is livid and says "there is no way i am paying for that first hour of this ride." my coworker and i agree with this fundamentally-sound argument, assuming he was going to pay for this next leg of the journey...

we get to our destination, i exit the cab and walk to my truck after saying goodnight to my coworker and the vendor. i start my truck, the vendor knocks on my window. i roll it down and he says "i need a ride back into town and im not paying that guy!" i consider this statement for a moment, (admittedly i should have declined but being young and impetuous) i quickly state "get in!"

~side story~
i consider myself a good driver. one with the usual credentials, lots of practice and a destructive need for competition. i have been driving 5-speed standards since i was 14, my dad has a realistic driving simulator and is a huge racing fan, Red Pop had a go-kart and a dirt track through the trees i would race around in at age 10 (1 time, i hit a tree, my dad started yelling about driving too fast, its his turn to race the Kart and he smashes into that same tree. i learn about irony) i have driven cars with lots of power (my truck doesnt have very much), and i have seen the Dukes of Hazzard+Smokey and the Bandit enough times to realize that the good drivers always get away. this being the first time such an opportunity has arisen and me being out of money, i was naturally willing to throw my hat in the ring~

the vendor is in and the cabby looks confused. the traffic light changes like the christmas tree at a dragstrip, i fly out of the box, no spinning tires, just whatever horsepower my truck can yield and make the left out of the lot. i receive the next set of greenapples as i make the right onto the on-ramp. in my rearview, i see the cabby's headlights shudder for a moment and i accelerate. the darkness starts to close in as i extend my lead and my heart is slamming around in my chest. after 1 mile, i have come to an exit and i hop off. i take a quick left and another immediate left into a driveway to hide behind a fence.

with the engine turned off and my feet on the floorboards, the beacons giving away our location are doused and there is quiet. this is when i remember i have a passenger, the vendor looks at me with shock and speaks for the first time. he just says "that was awesome" we exchange a quick laugh until i see those headlights turn the corner, the cabby is an apt adversary and had sniffed us out. i crank the engine, throw the truck in reverse, whip the front end around and continue down this road for a minute before i take the next right.

we pass the street sign on the corner and i see my old friend: Dead End. i have about a 5 car-length lead on the cabby as i make the turn and disappear around the corner. it was time for something drastic. i tell the vendor to hold on, quickly pull a 3-point turn and get my truck screaming back to the intersection to take the left onto the same road the cabby is pursuing me. i hit the corner simultaneously with the cabby. we make eye contact, his jaw drops and i blow his doors off as my pace increases. we have exited the neighborhood and are traveling down the highway in no time. finally we have escaped.

we get to the vendors hotel, say a quick goodbye and i head home. then the paranoia sets in. i have thoughts like "cabby must have gotten my plates", "the cops are enroute to my residence" and "they will definitely be waiting at work for me in the morning". in the morning though, there are no cops and no cabby at the office. (guess the cabby must have just had a slow night and was looking for something to do for awhile.) my coworker is in before me and he stares at me wildly because has spoken with the vendor. the only thing that was ever said about that night in the office was my coworkers comment "hey buddy, heard you should be running moonshine in the sticks!"

note: no cabbys were harmed in the creation of or in the retelling of this night. furthermore, i will be more than happy to hand over my 3rd of ride to the final destination, should i cross paths with this cabby again...

~Life is Short, but dont be so Naive to think the Bad stuff cant happen to you while you are Gettting into it~

pre-Deck tales

this is just a bit of housekeeping so that you, the reader, are aware of whats going. pre-Deck items are stories from a time when things were vastly different in my life. as such, pre-Deck stories will be told because they are funny and need to be written. they will also be told to illustrate idiocy.(examples of what not to do) they wont all have a lesson and some probably wont even have a point, a few will!

but 1 thing is clear: Thank God for the Deck

postscript - the brisket journal is coming...
~Life is Short, Get into it~

the hole above my head...

i have no answer for this question but i will pose it to you anyway, where did that ceiling panel go?

i have been on the job here for a year and a half. 1 day last winter i came into work, turned on my computer, toasted a bagel, sat down at my desk and thats when i noticed that i can now see into the drop ceiling. there is an HVAC duct, a ceiling strut, 5 or 6 MC cables, and 3 telecom wires. all of this stuff looks like it was just tossed up into the ceiling. im not sure of the exact date when the panel went missing but when i started here the ceiling was intact. i forgot about it for awhile and only recently, i noticed that this ceiling panel hasnt been replaced. i am the first to cut people slack about things not getting done(except in DSL cases), i understand that things And Life can get in the way but this must be one of those items that slipped through the cracks. i guess not everyone needs a ceiling but they should have given me 1. i now use this ceiling space to shoot rubberbands and toss the other assorted paper crumple. 1 day someone will be up in the ceiling, see all that stuff that i have aggressively placed up there and look at me wondering if i put it all up there. on that day i will knowingly nod at him and then proceed to deny any knowledge of this when questioned later.

work on your aim and Get into it~

today

went a little something like this...

the wife wakes me up. tells me my phone has been ringing for awhile
use circular saw to take a loveseat apart
put flattened loveseat in dumpster

moved some furniture
got a gift from the neighbor
watched football at buddy's house
came home and made the following to do list:

take shower

laundry

sew pants

put ab exerciser together

blast abs

swap out satellite radio antennae in truck

neighbors gift

blog about to do list

blog about dj

work on stories

figure out who covered Eazy E's Boyz in the hood

dinner

well, my list didnt get done in this order and it also didnt get completed. i sewed my pants to sewing machine, couldnt get sewing machine back together and didnt put exercise machine together. no worries though, the band was Dynamite Hack and i did get a shower.

~Life is Short, Get into it~

Mirror Image

so i went out to see some live music tonight...

i thought it was going to be a tame night: a few friends, a couple of drinks, a bunch of laughs and some great tunes. i couldnt have been more wrong.

ran into a few different groups of friends and was treated to good conversation ranging from variations on Jim Beam drinks to facial hair names. ie the Split Fu Manchu and the Amish Chin-Strap. there is a new addition to our group, someone who appreciates Shower Beer(she is my new favorite person). the night is going swimmingly. Jim Beam, diet coke and a lime...

its a small venue, lots of regulars, and lots of drinks, which are all really cheap... as the show starts, we are all huddled to 1 side. we try to make some space but its shoulder to shoulder. there is a tall bald guy in a houndstooth jacket, scarf and sideburns in front of us, i envy his gumption for wearing such an awesome outfit...

the show goes on and i get alerted to a tool dancing ridiculously in a prime spot which is right in front of the stage and i am encouraged to mock him. being ready to instigate humor whenever possible, i start dancing behind him, mimicking his every move. he steps back to let me continue dancing, so i move forward into his vacated space. he is now behind me, i am still mocking him and i dance furiously. he is stunned and soon leaves the area. i feel triumphant.

after a few songs in the newly acquired space, i get a tap on the shoulder. i am told that the same jerk is now on the right side of the stage, still dancing ridiculously. i am once again asked to make an example of what not to do when at a show. i make me way to that side of the stage and i see a few good friends i hadnt talked to yet. i sit with them for a song or 2 and explain what is about to transpire. this is received with nothing but encouragement.(which is all i need)

so i sidle up next to this douche and i notice that while i am dancing, i can also see this persons every motion in the reflection of the large mirror on my right. i spend the next 10 minutes mocking this kids every move. its perfect, i can watch the show And follow his every retarded dance step... the few good friends are cracking up. i look across the venue and the people that sent me over there are laughing also. this continues for 3 more songs...

at this point, i can no longer contain myself. i laugh ridiculously loud, right at the guy so he knows that i am making fun of him. he has no clue... i am a mix of happiness and whiskey. his date sees me studying her guy in the mirror and whispers something in his ear. she probably said "quit dancing like a douche or that guy will keep making fun of you!" i take this as a cue to relax. the rest of my friends and my few good friends are still laughing so i feel like i have accomplished my goal for the night.

having that bit of nonsense wrapped up, i get to enjoy the remainder of the show. its has been a fantastic night from the get go and mocking this guy has been the icing on the cake. if you get the chance, make fun of people like this as often as possible. it opens so much dancing space and makes you feel really good.

~Life is Short, Get into it~

an Odd twist of Fate

today was an odd day.

i heard from a buddy who is overseas and enjoys this site, which led me to knock out a quick post to keep the audience happy. since my mind was focused on other material besides my work, I had a breakthrough, which led me to leave early, which led me to get on a different bus than i normally take. i sit at the back of the bus because i will take it almost to the end of the line, which led to a hippie in a tie-dye and his 3 young daughters sitting next to me when they got on the bus, which led me to quickly become annoyed because they were singing "Deck the Halls", at the top of their little lungs, in a round, with made-up verses, which led me to quickly get off the bus 2 stops down the road. i get off the bus at an unfamiliar stop with intentions of catching the next bus and i try to not be so obvious about the fact that i had exited the bus because of the screeching, which led me to wander around in a little park, which led me to miss the next bus that pulled up as soon as the screeching bus had departed, which led me to start walking up the line to the next bus stop in order to get closer to home. each time i looked back i didnt see a bus, which led me to continue walking 3 miles up the road. i finally saw a bus coming and i waited at the stop i had reached. its a bus thats on same line i was walking with. at this point though, i am in an area that has service from 3 different bus lines. i get on this bus, which led me to an encounter with an acquaintance from highschool that i havent seen in a year+. our conversation was brief but it turns out she is recently back in the area and isnt driving because she got in car accident... we caught up as quickly as we could before she got up and said "this is my stop, this is so weird. i really havent seen anyone else since i have been back." and she got off the bus at her stop. honestly, there was no reason i should have gotten on that bus today either. guess it was what was in store for me today.

what an odd day.

~Life is Short, Get into it~

for no political reason.

just throwing this out there, can someone keep a mike on in Palins general vicinity? she has so much more unintentional comedy to provide, a recently uncovered goldmine and it would be a shame to let her fade away into obscurity. i was talking to my friend the other day and he said "you didnt know anything about her before she got the VP nod and now you wont hear anything from her again". this statement disappointed me very much.

while i hope the situations in our country will improve with new leadership, i really want Tina Fey to have too much material. i want her to make tough decisions on what to cut out. she has to keep embodying Palin. she doesnt need to embellish the lines, just read direct quotes. we need the comedy to continue.

keeping Palin on mike will lead to more funny websites like this page.(this cracked me up when my wife showed me this) turn your speakers on and click on stuff multiple times. it will probably be taken down soon so check it out while you can.

anyway, its time to fire up those boom mikes, check for feedback and get into it ~

Spare Change?

i work in an area that has a high concentration of beggars. they are always in front of a convenience store i go to. i am constantly accosted for money by these people. i consider myself a generous person but the jingling of the coffee cup in my face has gotten to be too much for me to bear, especially when they are wearing brand new sneakers and fancy watches. these extravagances are barely covered up with dirty rags and i am beginning to think that these people arent poor or destitute at all but rather just extremely lazy.

so today when i was asked if i had any spare change, i responded: "Yes i have plenty, thanks for asking", slapped my pocket so the guy could audibly confirm i was telling him the truth and continued on my way.

~Life is Short, Get into it~

the light is raining...

this is a recap of 10/23-26:

went to NH to put a roof on a house over a weekend... Friday night, moderate drinking with my friend, the Drinking Skilled Laborer... he is adamant that 1 more beer is necessary... Saturday morning, Drinking Skilled Laborer is a mess... tear old roof off... other skilled laborer and Drinking Skilled Laborer start putting down new roof... work ends @3pm... roof isnt close to being finished in 1 day... Drinking Skilled Laborer goes back home to Arlington... Saturday night, lots of wind+heavy rain... the dining room light is raining... the chimney is raining... the entrance to the living room is raining... the kitchen ceiling is raining... fashioned some gutter work in dining room and kitchen... the rain in the house subsides... Sunday morning, work starts @10am when roof dries... make fun of Drinking Skilled Laborer all day for leaving after half-ass job... somehow, there wasnt enough ragging on Drinking Skilled Laborer... get to his house @9pm to mock him in person... spend 30 minutes ridiculing Drinking Skilled Laborer... satisfied with the abuse of Drinking Skilled Laborer and a weekend of good work, all i want is my bed and im going to get into it...

Fire Safety Monitor

Not sure why i got the opportunity of added responsibility in being my offices' FSM...
but now im under so much pressure, the only way to relieve it seems to be to have an impromptu fire.

good luck on the 6th floor, lets light this pig and get into it...

the Beauty of the Shower Beer (an opinion piece) Use with Caution!!

however you line up on this issue, i implore you to give it some thought. the Shower Beer is a great thing and is a topic near and dear to my heart. im not sure where or when i picked up this useful relaxation technique but it has been part of my repertoire since my college days and it has kept me on-course to this day.

i believe there are 4 categories of people:
people who will immediately condemn me as an alcoholic for even suggesting such an outrageous scenario, those who havent heard of this option, those that have heard about it but choose not to participate and finally, the vast majority who understand the Beauty and exercise their right to partake in this wonderful type of refreshment.

i am writing to the unaware with a few helpful insights to impart, so you can make your own informed decision...

1. despite what some people will tell you, Shower Beer is not a bad thing and its use doesnt mean the user is a degenerate alcoholic. while some are, most arent, as is the case with most of this world. (1 bad apple spoils the bunch) you dont need those people slowing you down anymore anyway!
2. you can use the Shower Beer technique to prime your engine for the evening or to unwind after a long day. its up to you how you live your life.
3. Shower Beer gives you the opportunity for reflection on the days events or an extra moment for planning the nights' conquests. i cant stress enough how encouraging this time can be for your resolve. take the time to drink it all in.(please pardon the pun)
4. if you have the choice, go for cans over bottles for safety reasons! i know that fans of good beers will scoff at this idea but if you feel like duct-taping your tattered wheel back together on the off-chance the bottle becomes slick and shatters, be my guest.
5. there is nothing better than the contrast of cold, refreshing ML against the warm, encompassing nature of the shower. go ahead, give it a try. i'll wait... see, i told you so!

to those who are already in the know: congrats and i know you are spreading the word as often as possible.

to those who have made the conscious decision to refrain and those that make snap judgements about people based on an opinion: dilligaf what you think and maybe you should relax and have a beer in the shower.

with that said, go warm up the shower, crack open your favorite combination of water, malt, hops and yeast and get into it.

Worst. Addiction. Ever.

new to all of this but giving it a shot.

banged into work and slept till 11... great start to a Tuesday. went out to accomplish the little things that everyone has to do, i open the front door and what do i find? a new shipment of dvd's from an online service that makes buying dvds simple. stupid CH dvd Club(sidenote: this has taken over my life. all of a sudden, im in the hole like im digging to 6ft. all because i get a break on shipping or some other stupid reason. i liken it to going to Foxwoods on a sunday night. i think its gonna be so easy and im getting a bargain on my money because the "good"dealers had cleaned out the masses and gone home, only to find that after a weekend of Jim Beam and plotting my path of carnage throughout the vacant casino, that i am staring down at split 10's, kings on top and "the cleaner" is pulling out 5 card 21's to wipe out my stack in the 1st hour, that bitch! its a vicious cycle.) anyway, the minutiae checked off, i return home to retrieve my "winnings" from the front door. its a cardboard box that i should immediately write 'return to sender' on and drop in the nearest mailbox...

So i open this "treasure chest" and inside are my movies. finally, i think to myself as i tear open the cellophane and peel back the security warning stickers so i can survey the entertainment before me. its a trio of comedies and a couple of suspense movies and then i see it. the shining light, the catalyst for this online binge, my ace in the hole... the Alien&Predator Total Devastation Pack containing all 4 Alien movies, both Predators and both Alien v. Predators. This makes it all worth it.

at this point, im ecstatic and could care less about the other dvds that came in the box. i push them to the floor so i can admire the newest addition to my exponentially expanding collection. its not like the 6 discs of Rambo i just got or any of the other series i own. this is 8 discs of the best sci-fi stuff out there and now, its all mine. i carefully unwrap it and thumb through the titles. Predator and Alien, this is the stuff that has fueled my love of sci-fi and special effects for years and i now hold it all in my hand. my golden ticket. its time to fire up the dvd player, let my inner geek out and get started on the Alien Saga for the remainder of the afternoon...

God, I do love Tuesdays ~ Yes on 2

Life is short, you should get into it!