the Biggest Scam Going... part 2

Reflections and the remainder of my random thoughts…

so most of this is what stood out after some contemplation on Monday and after 4hrs of messing with interweb connection… the networking rep told me after unplugging modem and router and then plugging them back in that I was a certified technician… don’t feel any different but at least im home…

life is too short to be stuck in airports all the time!

woke up in the hotel and turned on tv to find that my luck hadn’t changed much, the satellite was knocked out due to high winds in the area… my plan was to check out at noon and hang in room till I got tossed then roam the airport till flight and it was derailed by this circumstance... so I checked out early and found a hockey bar near the gate... figured that’s a place to begin, got a burger and big beer to start the day…

i wonder if i could knock out an emu by sucker-punching it?

i was told if i didn’t leave Moline saturdaynight they couldn’t guarantee a flight out for 3-4 days… not sure being stuck in Detroit overnight is any better than that… glad I left though because I got to see a cop using a segway and seeing this reminded me of the most annoying song…


during my passes through the hotels security checkpoint, i noticed that the xray machines monitors are positioned in front of a partially-frosted glass opening in the wooden barrier. As you pass by there, you can observe what passes through the machine and since i was bored out of my mind i stopped to see what xrayed luggage looks like. after 30 seconds, the official who waves you through the metal detector, checks your id and signs your boarding pass, notices me standing there. she yells at me, “guy in the orange, keep moving” i comply but my exiting the window apparently wasn’t fast enough for her liking because she keeps yelling at me to keep moving then yells to the xray operator to stop the machine till the area is cleared… i get glares from the rest of the 5 officials and then i remark that they are stifling curiosity and reinforcing my boredom… why would they put a window in a place they want to keep so secure?

the hotel had a darkstone water-feature in the lobby, accompanying the gigantic leafy trees, which are 2storys tall and upon further review, they appear to be cannabis trees… wish i had the camera with me so i could get my picture taken in these trees so i could tell people i went to Amsterdam and found these in the countryside instead of sitting in Detroit airport this whole time…

dinner was again at hockey bar: chicken wings, fries and 2 Stripes… a buddy of mine is back on the protein and says he wants to hit the gym real hard but please don’t forget the squats…

tried to get on standby for a flight and when I asked the stewardess’ working the flight if it was full, she told me its oversold so I tell her they are all oversold and clarified my question. has everyone checked in yet for this flight? She scowls at me and I smile widely back at this stupid lowbudget elvira… she confirms my notion that all flights are full and i am lucky to have a confirmed seat on the 9:27...

i really hate flying… silver bars between black shiny vinyl-leather seats... guess they aren’t real sturdy, some lady broke through 1 waiting for her flight…

people on peoplemover moving slower than people not on peoplemover…

the lions lost all 16 games they played... ”The rest of Detroit sports laughs at them.” says the guy sitting in hotel lobby... its all cyclical he tells me and I agree. The Bs had that stigma going until this year too… as i type the Bs are now in 1st place in the Eastern Division and they are Leading the League in Wins, Points, Goals for, Tied for Goals against and are Winners of their Last 10! look at what someone put out last year because they were so bad...


got on plane at 9:50 and had no problems, my checked bag was right out in front at baggage claim counter, not sure where its been or when it got there but its here and that’s basically the 1st thing that has gone my way… out the door and found sleeves waiting to pick me up and away we went…

~Due to maintaining the increase in the interest of aviation, report the Airline for all this~

sidenote: the wife flew back yesterday and had Zero problems. im glad it was me and not her…

Have a Happy and Healthy New Years!!

the Biggest Scam Going... part 1

so im stuck in another stupid airport…

ive already been thru security 3x on sunday when i sat down to write this recap and running thoughts... i still have 5hrs till im supposed to board my flight. . . i have been told my seat on that flight is confirmed but ive also been told alot on this trip since it began on saturday... heres what i have going on so far...

phones got no network coverage…
cant get wifi without $10 fee…
10 dollar whiskeys…
5 dollar beers…
16 dollar cheeseburgers…
giant flat screen on wall has 2 black bars running through it, 1 in the middle of action, the other across the bottom line of football…

the airlines are the only industry where the service gets shittier and they charge you more each time you use it! i was on standby for an Oversold flight, 94 seats and the airline sold 112 seats for 1pm flight and then brought small plane in…

MECHANICAL ISSUES delayed me yesterday... missed the connection flight home by 20 minutes and was sent to 3 different gate agents to get rebooked...the 1st told us all to go to another gate to be rebooked, the 2nd agent went on break and left 15 people standing in line...the gate lady says the following “please make your excuses on me while you wait together" and walks away from us… shes a small dark-skinned peruvian lady but i still want to mess this lady up mma-style! thai clinch and drive knee through her jaw...
if that knee doesnt KO her first, i think i could probably knock her out with a flying-cow-kick...
and then i ambush the 3rd +4th to finally get some answers and vouchers… some lady behind me laughs with same frustration as I make my points to gate officials, so i state that i speak for the group…

obtained vouchers for hotelroom, dinner at hotel bar that night, breakfast and lunch in airport the following and then they rebooked me onto the 9:30 pm flight the following day, so sundaynights dinner is on me… stayed in hotel at airport last night thanks to some quick thinking by the wife, she reserved me a room while i was running in circles around that terminal... the hotel wouldn’t accept the voucher for my room so fullprice room, 4 whiskeys and a decent burger but definitely not worth fullprice...

pats won and need some help to go any further…
cowboys v jets is on now...

ive been contemplating trying to hop on the Amsterdam flight just because its leaving Detroit…

wilford brimley lookalike nearly collapses from exasperation over being canceled off of his flight because he missed his earlier connection or maybe its the Beetis...
i see both sides of the argument and that is 1 of the reasons why i have been to the counters 8 times to check in... the gateagents are all getting sick of me and that makes me happy because im sick of them too…

PHILLY JUST KICKED A FIELD GOAL TO MAKE IT 27-3 GOING INTO THE HALF…

lots of luggagetrucks going by and then it dawns on me: no idea where my checked bag with all the presents is... the assumption is it will end up at home before me and i will check the baggage claim counter when i get in. the flight i have a seat on is the last flight tonight so if its not at the counter, it will be on the flight with me… supposedly...

old mexican dude circles the phone banks after they are used and pockets what the Hasty leave behind. i think i might start doing this also… i made a collect call when my phone had no network coverage for the last 8hrs and that 1 call cost 10 dollars…

the sun is setting and subsequently, casts vivid red and purple hues over this lovely city...
execs in business suits trying to get where they are going for mondays appointments... i hope they all get stuck... im only serious...
i keep telling the counter reps that I was supposed to be in a wedding today and had to get back to give a toast... didnt matter what i told them... everyone else had some madeup story also...

then finally some contact with world and i have never been so glad to hear this messaging alert from my phone…

now half-making plans with a friend contemplating going to see live music and i tell him i will meet him there if i can get out of here…

its now 44-3, the 4th quarter is starting and im going to get something to eat… watch tropic thunder and perhaps a flight home, maybe… caught the end of dolphins v jets, favre must be getting paid well to throw such a perfect interception…

really glad i received tropic thunder for Christmas, it passed some time… mothernature just pissed her pantsuit… im a dude, playing a dude, disguised as another dude… g5, no more frequent-flyer-bitch miles...

great movie!

~life is short, make the best of it~

sidenotes: it looks like i have to eat some crow, sort of… i told a friend of mine that the pats would make the playoffs as a wildcard, with a record of 11-5. turns out i was wrong... see how easy it is to admit when you are wrong?

and yes, even though, there arent any direct flights to get where we need to go… Scratch Head can say he told me so about taking connecting flights...

more to come after some rest and some tech support on laptop and my phone...

my Airplane Magazine Xmas list

hopefully you have gotten you Christmas shopping done but if you need some last minute ideas...

batman grappling hook digital camera scuba goggles

remote controlled flying saucer remote hovering space surfer pair of gravity-defying boots remote control laser combat carsworlds smallest humanoid robot 40ft range marshmallow bazooka animatronic singing and talking elvis dual time dot matrixpc watch stylish cocoons size xl programmable scrolling license plate framethe old mans' award lamp, shipped in italian-labeled box...(fragile)9in mt rushmore garden monument sumo sculptureelephant wall sculpture wide-angle video helmet
skeeball game tableracetrack plus expansion kit

these are the things i would like for Christmas, i didnt know i wanted them till i found them in the seatfront magazine and now im wondering whats wrapped up under the tree...

~Life is Short, Get into it~

finally Plugged Back in

sorry for the delay in posting but I could only use my work computer since Vista sucks. the wifes work computer had to get sent back for reworking after a hacking attempt. they sent out a new one to her which was received on Friday. the new one has xp on it but cannot keep itself connected wirelessly for some reason. after running services.msc, restarting WZC and messing with wireless connection settings, the pc will revert to previous settings each time it is shutoff. im somewhat tech savvy but cant figure this prob out. Need some real geek help. Saw 1 in airport wearing shirt with IP address on it but didn’t want to talk to him...

oh well, guess you will read this when I get plugged back in.

~Life is Short, Get into it~

postscript: written alot since last post on Weds. the following 4 posts are a chronological recap of what took place friday and into saturday.

Oh, the Weather outside is Frightful… Yeah White!

What is it about impending foul weather that makes people crazy?

yesterday, a Storm was predicted to drop 8-10in. of the white stuff on us between 12pm-2am, with the heaviest accumulations between 4-7pm. since everyone is out there trying to do the same thing, they get jammed up and cause Ridiculous delays on the roadways. They rush out into streets when they get released from work at midday or just leave on their own so that they wont get caught out in the storm and the snow. They run around trying to prepare for the worst and clog up the city’s roads in an attempt to be the first home or the first to the store to obtain the foodstuffs that would last them for a month, just like everyone else is doing! the wife said that we got about 9-10in. in Arlington but this i cant verify since i have been unplugged and haven’t watched tv since thursday night, i don’t have the actual Snow Fall totals. it was definitely snowy and slick outside but not nearly as bad as people were predicting/worried about... the Real problem is that with everyone out on the roads, the plows cant get through to do their job which causes disabled cars, which causes longer delays and leads to people stuck on the roadways where the plows cant do their job… it’s a vicious cycle!

~life is Short, so Get out of the PlowGuys Way~

postscript: its still snowing today as we sit at the airport, some of the roads have been cleared and crews are still out plowing. im very glad our states infrastructure is so well-managed! and with all sincerity ~ Nice Work there, jj!

the Barbershop Lookout

went to pick up tix at 10:30am for a live music show in the evening but didnt check to see when the boxoffice opened. turned out i had until noon, so i decided to get a new haircut to pass the time…

as i arrive for the trim, i find there aren’t any spots on the rightside but the other has plenty. since i have to backtrack to the boxoffice anyway, i pull into a private parking lot and turn around. while turning around in the lot, i saw the local parking enforcement half a block to the right and he is printing out tickets at a furious pace. i wait in the lot and wait for him to pass by so i can get a spot in front of the barbershop. amazingly, in that half a block, this guy cranked out up 6 tickets. the Enforcer is now front of the barber shop setting up for his 7th when the door of the shop busts open and out flies 2 barbers, the owner of the shop plus the vehicle-next-in-lines owner. they exchange a couple of words with the ticket jockey and he pardons the patron, skipped over the vehicle and starts in on the next vehicle. i remain in the lot until the officer is 2 blocks to the left, grab an empty spot and headed into the barbershop. this is 1 of the last real Barbershops that I know of, a bastion of Manliness and Talc. where the issues of the Day are pontificated on, the employees taste in music is Questioned and where Memorabilia is hung showing professional sport team triumphs alongside the town ones. there are always a few guys just hanging out there, shooting the breeze as they seem to have nothing better to do. they also employ a Sweeper here, he keeps the floors clear from clippings but is idle until the Barbers have finished and the Cleancut have vacated the chairs.

on this day though, the Sweeper has his head poked out of the shop door (on the Owners request) the Sweeper has been keeping a vigilant eye on the truck for me, in an attempt to keep me from receiving a $100.00 ticket for: parking on the street during a snow emergency. the snow hasn’t started falling yet but I guess the Enforcers of this town are trying to meet this months quota, I mean, keep the streets clear… on my way out, tossed the Barber and my Lookout each a 5, wished everyone in there a Merry and a Happy and Healthy… and began my trek back across town.

heres your HA for today, its an old one but it still makes me laugh~

~Life is Short, Get into it~

the Show

didn’t have many snags on the way in besides realizing i had forgetten the tix on the table when i left the house to have dinner with the wife…

got to the venue and i had arrived before the show started so i began drinking. figured since i had some traveling to do in the morning, i would take it easy and relax so i took a spot standing at the bar in the back of the room. the bars only about 20ft from the stage, so it became a great vantage point for various reasons ranging from being the only table on the floor of the venue, doubling as a makeshift coat-rack, a good view of the stage, a speakerphone stand and an area that has easy access to drinks. 4-5 of those and the show began. the opening act was a musician i had seen before and he did not disappoint, as usual. the show was great, some favorites were played, a new Christmas song and a shoutout to Jimmy Reed. then the Namesake of the 2nd band was called on stage to helpout with a Great tune... during this, i made a few phone calls to people that couldn’t make it and those who were on there way, couple of friends that were texting me with their travel progress. they too had taken public transportation to the show but had missed their train and drove to a different stop to catch it. then they waited copious amounts of time for the 2nd leg of their journey to begin… so i left the speakerphone on the bar and let it do its thing. ~Just trying to spread some good tunes around as best I can. Im told later that the whole train got an earful of music~

soon, the opener gave way to the headliner, a band i hadn’t seen or heard before. his Band plays the same style of toe-tapping rockandrollery as the opener. (probably why they are playing together, right) the energy in the crowd was apparent throughout the evening due to the music and everyone fighting the weather outside to get here. i had planned on only staying for a couple of tunes but before i knew it the lights were coming on and the crowd was dispersing…

Really looking forward to New Years Eve, that’s for sure!

~Life is Short, Get into it~

Walking home after Live Music Show

turns out a cab and not that last whiskey would have been more Useful…

Ok, so for those of you that didnt know, consider this a public service and my good deed for the day. apparently, the public transportation system around here shuts down and they drop people off wherever they are at 1:15. i know this because i got stuck in town, on the wrong side of the river, with no cabs in sight nor enough cash on me to pay for a cab. i didnt want to bother the wife, so i figure i will walk home and then hoofed it from where i was marooned to a gas station 5miles away. the gas station is located on my street but in a different town. the wife calls me frantically at 2:32am wondering where i was, at which point, i told her to meet me at that gas station. we arrived at the same time, i was exhausted and fervently defending the fact that “i wasn’t as think as u drunk i am”

Lots of fun stuff on the walk home like running on the sidewalk over the bridge in hopes of catching the last bus and falling down in the snow once or breaking my self-imposed smoking ban in order to occupy some time during the walk and nearly not being able to get the 3 cigarettes that i did smoke, lit...

the best story, though, occurred after i passed by a former residence of mine. while i was walking on the snow-covered streets, i saw some guys shoveling out a car. with the wife enroute and knowing how far i had left to go, i sat down in the snow bank to rest and watch them for awhile, very thankful that i didnt have to shovel all the plowed-over snow… after 5 minutes of chuckling to myself over their ordeal, another guy emerges from the house, he is on fire, but starts helping clear off the car while yelling at the other 2: “i cant believe im out here right now, why don’t you guys just crash here? What the F, this sucks” after a minute of this, his buddy tells him to relax and that’s when he loses it. the Loud guy starts wildly swinging the snowbrush, snow is flying off the hood and he gets louder with each word he says: “youre telling me to relax, I Was relaxed. I Was inside Watching tv. Now im out Here with you A-holes. in the Cold and in this Stupid Snow!”

they laugh at this scene that is their buddys’ rant and then i also start laughing outloud. it seems like they have a good sense of humor and then i have an idea, so i approach them and offer to Trade help shoveling out for a ride home. they wonder why im just hanging around, sitting in a snowbank, and i explain that once again, I have been stranded by public trans and am slowly making my way home. without hesitation, the guy shoveling says its too far to drive 3miles down the road so i quickly turn to continue my trek and leave them with their 2ft perimeter of plowed snow around the car…

on a Bright note, my jacket is Awesome, no overheating during strenuous exercise and it provides great protection from the wind. the low temp was 19deg. with gusts of 30mph…

~Life is Short, Get into it~

Jesse Dee performs his Christmas gift

got the office Christmas party today and wont have alot of time to post so heres what i got...
i just found the latest from a great musician. i know some people havent heard it yet but everyone should check this and him out!

New Song ~also check out the sidebar video from this link for a live performance of an album track "Yet to Come"

Jesse Dee ~you can pick up the album as a stocking stuffer...

~life is short, get into it and support some live music~

Passing Time at the Airport

this is a list compiled from my experiences on this topic, these are things that got me through the tough times, there many more and im sure my next trip will yield more but here is the starter list:

~go through security and then leave the terminal and go through security again. repeat multiple times during the day to pass your time and to give those people in blue shirts something to do.
~find nearest sports bar, setup shop in hallway looking into bar to watch sports and avoid paying $8.95 for each super-weak whiskey and coke.
~disregard Nascar motif of said bar which is full of car hoods and framed photos like this
~roam around newsstand and find amazingly iced out watches like these
~spend 20 minutes contemplating whether or not to purchase 1
~save money by not buying stupid airport newstand watches
~calculate markup of snack purchased inside god-forsaken airport, heres a hint: original costX1.75
~chat with airport police detail about sporting events and their stress-filled walk from 1 end of airport to the other
~mention to guy standing next to you that your gun is bigger than the police details’ when they leave
~follow airport detail from 1 end of airport to the other
~try to figure out how the redneck Nascar bar can get away with charging $10 for a bagel and tomato sauce sandwich
~count # of drinks pilots consume while waiting to fly their plane to arrive
~formulate plan to commandeer motorcycle from airport display and run time trials in airport hallway for money
~contemplate buying hardcore porn mag to read and make travelers feel uncomfortable
~wonder if hippie chick sitting on ground nearby knows what soap is
~do a good deed: facilitate conversation between clearly-available-adult-braces lady and real-life-bubba-teeth guy for the exchange of dentist contact info
~hit up SmashCave and punish the porcelain 2x
~laugh at ridiculous-old-guy-in-blue-tracksuit who is freaking out on gate attendant as if she had caused the delays
~count on 1 hand amount of conversations being conducted in English
~restrain urge to slap stupid-boot-wearing chicks all day long
~rig water fountain with piece of chewing gum to squirt next person to use it , then sit back and wait for it…

these are things that help make flying only Slightly less painful than what happens to these people...


~Life is Short, Get into it~

Pulled over in the Driveway

saturday was a long day: spread some Christmas cheer at Grandmas house, uncomfortably hold a baby, helped to referee a meeting between 4 dogs at our friends’ and then enjoy a great dinner with them...

when we arrived home, i park the truck in my usual spot on the hill in the driveway… (pull up just far enough that the front tires crest the edge of the driveway and this serves as another E brake…) the wife gives me some crap about pulling up to far and being completely on the lawn. in return, i tell her to get out and check where the tires are. she exits the truck and quickly clams up. from her reaction, i realize that i wasnt wrong and walked to the passenger side of the truck to start giving her the Business over it all. i kneel down on the ground to get a better view of my Amazing parking job, pointing at where the pavement meets the grass and after a minute of joking around with her, i notice that our yard is much brighter than usual. as i am standing up, a police cruiser is screeching to a halt in our driveway and the spotlight is brightly trained on our position. now, i have lived in this town for a long time and know some of the local law enforcement, so it wouldn’t have been out of the realm of possibility for an acquaintance to play a prank such as this ~in the past, i have gotten siren wales, some bluelights flashing and the Point as they drive by~ anyway, i mockingly throw my hands up in the air for a second then drop them as i begin to move forward because the cruiser door has opened and there werent any words or any directions. the officer is now out of the vehicle, which turns out to be the K9 unit and the officer has his flashlight in my eyes. the police dog is losing its mind in the back seat and the officer sharply demands to know what we are doing here! in this moment, i realize the officer isnt joking, doesn’t know me from the common perp and immediately i raise my hands again. i tell him we are going home and point to our building. he demands to see my id, i tell him its in my front right pants pocket and ask him if its ok to reach for it. he nods and he asks me: “is this is your truck that we are standing next to” as i reach for my wallet. i confirm that it is and surrender my id. at this point the wife is walking past the cop, still laughing because she thinks the officer is someone i know and this is all a joke. the officer stops her and demands to see her id as well. then he asks me if the truck is mine again and again i confirm its ownership. he gives the identification the once over and asks for the 3rd time if i was the owner of the truck. at this point, i figured he was on the lookout for some criminal who pulled back jobs with the same truck as mine or i was about to participate in a field sobriety test (which i would have passed with flying colors) it is then that the officer realizes we are being truthful, he hands us our licenses back, states that we had looked like we were up to something suspicious and he wanted to make sure we weren’t. i thank the officer for his diligence and exhort him to check anyones id that he happens to find in our driveway!

im really glad i didnt have to use my 1 phone call to leave this story on my voicemail…

~Life is Short, Get into it~

Merry Christmas from the Family

found this today and just couldnt wait...

i know its a little early but i wanted to give you your redneck xmas gift... Enjoy!
and now Robert Earl Keen Jr



~Life is Short, Get into it~

just like G. Love and the Special Sauce

we had been invited to a dinner the other night...

before the meal was served and the rest of the party could join us around the table, i was talking with another guest. during the course of our brief conversation, i was asked why the wife would put ice into her red wine... i respond to this question truthfully and with no other way to phrase it, the answer came out simply: she likes cold beverages...


it was a great dinner!

~Life is Short, Get into it~

my Office Safety Idea

this afternoon, i was involved in a collision at work and it almost cost a man his life…

i had started to make my lunch today when i realized i had nothing to cut my bulky roll with. i was walking out of the kitchen and back to my desk with a large breadknife that a coworker had generously donated… as i reached the entrance of the kitchen, my always-over-anxious coworker is running at full speed, he is so gunned up about having his lunch that he was running, in the office. as he turns the corner, i was exiting the kitchen towards to my desk and he ran right into me. in an effort to be polite, i excused myself, he doesnt look at me nor respond to this, so then i used sarcasm "well, you're excused too. and your welcome!" there was still no reply…
~sidenote: i believe this guy hates me because in a meeting about policy change a month ago, he hollered at me from across an 18ft long table, that he has been working here for 14 years and things have never been done this way before! this statement was yelled over the top of commentary by our coworkers praising the changes and brainstorming how to go forward implementing them. my big boss responds loudly with: "thats why This is referred to as policy change" he is is also the guy who gets so worked up, about everything, all of the time, that he stammers, all of the time~
anyway, thats just a little background on this guy, even though i wouldnt have minded and it would have been his own fault for running in the office to get to the fridge... i would have felt bad about having stabbed this guy. had i not been practicing muzzle-control with the breadknife, this is what could have happened to this guy... notice that breadknifes placement...



Right...
so in an effort to combat the inherent dangerousness of this place and to help guide my coworkers around the office safely, i want to post "walk, dont run" and "stop" signs at strategic spots and put traffic lines on the floor. much in the same manner that warehouses are laid out when heavy machinery is being used.... this way, coworkers wont run into each other when coming around the corners and spill each others items/blood. this has been on my mind for awhile and i have formulated this recommendation because of my desks location. i sit in an area of high traffic that allows me to observe these collisions as they take place, my desk resides at the corner of 2 converging walkways and there is a half-circular security mirror on the wall and i also have a direct view into the kitchen. (lots of really bad fat-guy jokes will be made here by the Triangle but its all coincidental because of assigned seating) it is a great vantage point to monitor all that goes on here and i am able to observe some of these accidents. They are always comical and when the timing is just right, i get to witness these run-ins occurring but its really starting to get dangerous and i feel like i need to do something.

just trying to do my part to keep my coworkers and myself alive and out of harms way… i mean its either put down these traffic markers or risk injuries like the below, starting at 2:12...

this is exactly why signs and lines need to be put down!

~Life is Short, Get into it~

2 very good Friends, that are my Coworkers...

were in the kitchen this morning when i went to toast my freshly-procured bagel. these women are very good friends, they eat breakfast, lunch and snacks together everyday, they chat all throughout the day and frequently travel overseas together. as i reach them, i greet them with "good morning." the very italian one turns and says "this one is complaining about me, can you believe this?" i give her a sympathetic look as if i knew what she is talking about, nod and jokingly say "why yes, everybody complains about you" the italian one looks at me stunned, then looks at her friend and the both of them break into hysterics. when the italian one, who is uncontrollably laughing, composes herself enough to speak, she says "oh, i thought you were serious... im glad you are so sharp in the mornings" ha, me too! some mornings...

~life is short, joke around a-lot~

postscript: new Poll at bottom was formulated regarding gaf and dilligaf (whose meaning is below for those that dont know but isnt very family-friendly, so please, use discretion if you press play to watch the youtube movie)

a Personal Failure when Confronted by a Mustache

i have been intimidated by people before but nothing can compare to what i experienced in NC...

so we went to the grocery store to pick up some good stuff: 1/2lb of bacon, 6 eggs, box of breakfast sausages, canister of taco seasoning, 4 tomatoes, bag of taco cheese, can of olives, green onion, a box creamcheese and 10lb bag of ice. except for the ice, the lady bagging the groceries overloads all these items into 1 bag. she then looks up at me and her Mustached lip says, "if the bag breaks, its your own fault!" i was so stunned and speechless that all i could do was nod yes and walk away in disbelief of the encounter... what i shouldve responded with: "really? how about filling another bag with half the items or double-bagging this one? by choosing either one of these options, you couldve saved the breath you used to place blame on me and i wouldnt have to hold the bag awkwardly till we get home." that or something close to that... but like the others i was with, whose eye contact i could only meet with a shrug, we were all far too stunned by this interaction to comment on it till we left the store and even then there was just more disbelief that the preceding had actually taken place. 8+ days later, i still dont believe i could have effectively expressed myself if again presented with the same scenario. in hindsight though, ive realized it would have been futile to try and explain the Facts to the ladys' Mustache and im glad i just kept moving on...

Son of a Cook was completely right about how much Power the Mustache holds and now i know Real intimidation!

~Life is Short, Get into it~

the Best Site i have seen in a Long Time

being bored the other day, i went looking for the funny on the net...

after rereading the How-to Guide and finding nothing else new out there to preoccupy, i go to check email. on the front page, there are all kinds of different links to various interweb things to peruse. i click on the top11 lamest blogs, half-expecting to see Ramblings' up for a Lack of Content award (i guess they dont rate expired sites...) there were a couple of good ones up there that didnt deserve the Awards they got. those links follow, although these were no-where near the best i had seen on this day, there was the one full of Dull quickhits and the one about fighting Meth Ninjas... and while these provided some good reading, they just didnt quench the boredom. anyway, after diligently clicking through the rest of the Lamest to make sure we have nothing in common, i hit the back button and return to the front page. i almost skipped right to my emails and then i see a veritable cornucopia of hilarity... its a website dedicated to facilitating relations with prison inmates. i click on the link and before i know it im in stitches and my day is over. this is what captured my attention for the rest of the day:

Lonely Attractive Inmates in the USA Seek Penpals

this site wants you to overlook the Fact that these are INMATES, who are doing time because THEY COMMITTED FELONIES... this site wants you to write to them because it gets LONELY WHEN INCARCERATED... really?? (mmYWF) the site has profile pics of these chicks, some from their pre-prison escapades, blurbs about what they are looking for in a guy and how they would like to be spending their time. most of the chicks look like they were hookers in their former lives, while the others look similar to dating service ads. im glad that someone finally gave us, the Public, an opportunity to shop online to find CRIMINALS {wait, strike that, potential dates(BroadSlayer?)} to correspond with...

but i must digress...
if you click around a little, you can find some absolute gems such as:
YP- prison activities: Hacky-Sack and she really likes the Cardboard Fireplace
AC- got that GED, Exotic Dancer, Nubian Princess
L- who lied about her age/pic and got removed but no worries, shes got that GED too
AT- wow, what a picture of her Tantalizing Booty, as she calls it

i dont want to ruin it for you by giving you too many highlights, you can find your own favorites... i do find it hilarious though, that the background for all the pages are chain-link, the chicks whose pics were taken in the DOC oranges and blues... if youre looking for love or companionship, this is probably the wrong place but to each their own and i would also recommend that the ones with earlier release dates are the ones to focus on... so go ahead and give your new Penpal some happiness during mailcall... just dont be shocked when, after their release, you get Dead And your house gets Robbed! so without further ado http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/

~Life is Short, Get into it~

the Guy with Lots of Bad Shirts

i see him everyday. his shirts get worse and worse... now i have owned some bad shirts in the past and still have a Party Shirt that i love to wear (2tone silky blue with orange tropical flowers so i understand the fascination with them but this is my Party Shirt and not one of my workshirts) the ridiculous thing is that this guy must have a closet full of these things and no one to tell him how awful they are. its either that or she must lie to him daily, sending him out into the world, saying "no honey, you look great!" all of my jobs, both past and present, have had business-casual atmospheres but never before have I seen a garment-style so blatantly exploited. i want to take pictures to show you all how obnoxiously terrible they are but that might be a little too much. so here is my description of the shirt that made me conscious of the reality that is this guys daily wardrobe choice. its a silky shirt whose base color is black. the secondary color is bright orange and finally, the tertiary color is white. these colors are arranged in a horizontal 12stripe flame pattern. it is collared and short-sleeved. to this day, I have counted 14 different shirts and have yet to see this one back in the rotation… this guy must have caught a Casual Friday state of mind and never looked back. the McKenzie Bros. have less gratuitous non-sensory associated with them than his workday garb. alas, this guy has fallen into that common trap: if 1 is good, more must be better... not so much, and definitely not in this case!

you hosers have a good day, eh...


~Life is Short, Get into it~

the Drive Home ...

have i got more for you but im tired and the wife wants the car back by 2pm ... heres a brief on today... right now: we should be in ny hotel, waiting for the 2pm 12/1...

11/30 ~ got up at 8:30, went upstairs for breakfast, 1 pumpkin pie piece and asked to see some dolphins to round out an amazing trip to NC... on the road by 8:45 to beat the traffic. we said our goodbyes. get to airport crazy early, our flight is at 2:55 and we are checked in by 11AM... just carry-ons. we get delayed at airport long enough to see all of 1 o'clock football and into 2nd Quarter of 4:15s... finally the craft departs at 6pm. we get to stupid ny airport at 7:30. we sit in terminal, after being assured that the flight would depart asap... till the flight gets cancelled at 10:55pm (sorry about the Late phonecall Sleeves)

the wife has been monitoring the situation very closely and predicted the cancellation... as im walking ahead of her, get to a set of doors that opens up and we are going to be like the 6th in line. we are walking to the ticket counter to get rebooked for the next flight out...

and now let me be clear, i would have picked her up if i was closer but...

some pregnant ran through the door to get in line 1st... chick falls over, after brushing by the wife and hustles by me, ducks under the nyylonzip-line, tumbles forward 2 or 3 times like a cartoon and falls. she protectively curls up and lands on both hands and knees. she waves off any help and she says she is allright, i am not the 1st one to her, she a little shaken up but ok. shes on her feet and husband is now on scene, i arrive and remark she should slow down a bit... she shakes her head yes in agreement...

the wife has a rental car place on the phone, secures a vehicle (Brilliant!!!) and turns to the 2 people behind us, random Lady and some guy, "do you want to split a car to Boston?" they are eager to join the Trip. finish up at counter... cal nearly got cut in line "better step forward or hes gonna cut you..." and get to rental area. paperwork finished and the wife goes to get the car... the wife comes back with hybrid that was in the rented cars parking space, wrong car, wecouldnt leave lot... got caffeine, got suv, got route and away we go...its midnight when we get out of airport after crazy directions from vicky (the bib) and finally out of ny...

1 stop, more caffeine...From on the wife "Happy December."

cal slept alot but has sense of humor and Good idea...

barbizon ~ when the wifes relaxer didnt work, barbizon jumped into shotgun, cool chick... the wife ends up knocked out in backseat. barbizon had lots to say and was a good Travellor, kept me going with lots of stories... Runner-up Halloween Costume participant... she shouldnt have been on that flight either... she still had an hours drive to go

3:30hrs parking lot to fenway exit...

drop off cal and drop barbizon at airport

the wife wants to drive home... we get home and the wife is off to bed and i need to unwind... start writing... just in time to get this down: ...and we head for home... ...new poll@bottom... What a Day... i am finally relaxed enough to fall asleep... Good Night.

What a great bunch of Ideas today!

if we had stayed over: right now, we would be back at the terminal, waiting for more cancelled flights or over-sold AM business flights at the other airport in other stupid ny...

~Life is Short, Get into it~