this is a list compiled from my experiences on this topic, these are things that got me through the tough times, there many more and im sure my next trip will yield more but here is the starter list:
~go through security and then leave the terminal and go through security again. repeat multiple times during the day to pass your time and to give those people in blue shirts something to do.
~find nearest sports bar, setup shop in hallway looking into bar to watch sports and avoid paying $8.95 for each super-weak whiskey and coke.
~disregard Nascar motif of said bar which is full of car hoods and framed photos like this
~roam around newsstand and find amazingly iced out watches like these
~spend 20 minutes contemplating whether or not to purchase 1
~save money by not buying stupid airport newstand watches
~calculate markup of snack purchased inside god-forsaken airport, heres a hint: original costX1.75
~chat with airport police detail about sporting events and their stress-filled walk from 1 end of airport to the other
~mention to guy standing next to you that your gun is bigger than the police details’ when they leave
~follow airport detail from 1 end of airport to the other
~try to figure out how the redneck Nascar bar can get away with charging $10 for a bagel and tomato sauce sandwich
~count # of drinks pilots consume while waiting to fly their plane to arrive
~formulate plan to commandeer motorcycle from airport display and run time trials in airport hallway for money
~contemplate buying hardcore porn mag to read and make travelers feel uncomfortable
~wonder if hippie chick sitting on ground nearby knows what soap is
~do a good deed: facilitate conversation between clearly-available-adult-braces lady and real-life-bubba-teeth guy for the exchange of dentist contact info
~hit up SmashCave and punish the porcelain 2x
~laugh at ridiculous-old-guy-in-blue-tracksuit who is freaking out on gate attendant as if she had caused the delays
~count on 1 hand amount of conversations being conducted in English
~restrain urge to slap stupid-boot-wearing chicks all day long
~rig water fountain with piece of chewing gum to squirt next person to use it , then sit back and wait for it…
these are things that help make flying only Slightly less painful than what happens to these people...
~Life is Short, Get into it~
14 years ago
2 comments:
Never resist the urge to slap a chick wearing stupid boots!
Never go to an airport with "the wife" or "the deck" - like we don't know who you are - and you will not have to worry about passing the time!
Stop being a jew (again) and walk into said bar and get smashed! Time will go by much faster!
OH yeah - never order a mixed drink - will always be watered down! Stick with the Tall Boy of what ever is on Tap!
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